Jeannie Watt Read online

  “Can I come in for a minute?” Tara asked after a few seconds of staring.

  “Sure.” He stepped back, still working on the fact that she was here…right here, looking tired, yet determined. She glanced around at the spotty décor, then back at him.

  Welcome to the world of Matt.

  “Who’s running the business?” he asked.

  “Nicky.”

  Another uncomfortable beat of silence.

  “It must be pretty obvious why I’m here.”

  Matt had a general idea, but there were some areas that needed firming up.

  She took a few paces into the room, glanced around. “You really should fire your decorator.”

  “I’ll make a note.”

  “I didn’t like the way we parted company this morning.”

  “And you drove four and a half hours to tell me that?”

  She had that no-nonsense, get-it-done expression in her eyes. “Yes. I don’t like having things up in the air. You know that.”

  He nodded. If she were any more beautiful it would be unbearable.

  “Did you consider phoning?”

  “I wanted to talk in person.”

  Yeah. And that worried him.

  “I realized after we’d made love…I had made a mistake.”

  The words jabbed at Matt. She had regrets, but they would work through them. Move on, go their separate ways.

  “I thought I could compartmentalize everything. I thought I could put the physical here and the emotional over there and never let the two overlap and that way avoid getting blitzed again.” She glanced down at the coffee table, which was covered with a film of dust he hadn’t noticed until now. “I was wrong. I didn’t have a lot of control over the emotional.”

  Matt sucked in a breath as the implication of her words sank in. “Tara, before you go any further—”

  “What? Are you going to say ‘it’s been fun, but…’?” She shook her head. “I don’t buy it. You have feelings for me, too.”

  Okay, she had him there.

  “I can’t deny that, but there’s a lot more to the situation. I’m not really the guy you got to know in Night Sky. Once I go back to the job…things will change. I probably won’t be able to help that.” He pressed his lips together. “I know what my life is going to be like. I know what I’m going to be like.”

  “You do,” she said flatly.

  “Yes.”

  He did. Vividly. He remembered how it had been with Lisa, the deterioration of the relationship as the insomnia, fatigue, lack of appetite and shortness of temper all took their toll. She had tried to be patient, had tried to understand, but eventually it had just been too much for her.

  And the situation that had caused the symptoms hadn’t changed.

  “Did she walk out on you because you were too focused on the job?”

  “Lisa?” He didn’t need to wonder how she knew about Lisa. Luke. And if Tara knew about Lisa, then she must also know about the exam. “No. She’s a lawyer and as much of a workaholic as I am.” Their relationship, he saw now, had been more like parallel play than a commitment between two people.

  “But you broke up?”

  “She left me just before my so-called heroic deed. She had her reasons.”

  “What does she have to do with this exam?”

  Matt sent Tara another sharp look. “I think my superiors might have sought her out and she might have thought she was doing me some good by talking.”

  Matt didn’t want to go into it, but he would if it made Tara understand the situation.

  “Things worked with Lisa and me, while they worked, because we were both committed to our jobs. We understood that about each other.” He was surprised at how cold that sounded now.

  “Why did they quit working?”

  “The stress,” Matt said simply. “After the truth came out about my dad, it raised issues in the department. I wasn’t too pleasant to be around while I dealt with them…I don’t see things being any better in the near future. Even with you.”

  He saw the pain in her eyes, but, rather than giving in to it, she pulled herself together. “Have you ever considered quitting?”

  Exactly the words he’d known were coming.

  “I haven’t done anything wrong, so I shouldn’t have to quit,” Matt snapped. “If I leave now, I’m as good as guilty.”

  “Looking guilty and being guilty are not the same thing.”

  “Easy to say when you’re not the one in question. I don’t need platitudes and helpful advice.” He knew he sounded arrogant, but he was going to get this point across. Tara was threatening the one thing he had to do if he was going to live with himself.

  “Okay, so you stay and you prove you’re not your father. You prove you’re not guilty of anything. Somehow. How many times do you prove it? Once? Twice? A dozen times? Will you ever be able to prove it enough to satisfy yourself?”

  He was silent.

  “Is the purpose of your life to pay penance for something you didn’t do?” Tara shook her head. “That would be a sad thing, Matt. What will they put on your gravestone? ‘I showed them’?”

  Twist the knife again, Tara. He did not need to hear this.

  “So what do you suggest?” he asked coldly.

  “Try letting go, a little at a time. You don’t have to quit your job…just let this thing go.”

  She didn’t get it. “Just say ‘no’? It won’t work.”

  “Because you don’t want it to.” She could think what she’d like as long as she didn’t waste her time trying to rescue him.

  “And you ragged at me about not accepting help?” she asked incredulously. “Look at you. Now I know why you understand me so well. You’re just the same, except you don’t seem to be able to heed your own advice.”

  “I know what I’ll be dealing with. You don’t.”

  “I can learn,” she said after a beat.

  Those three sincere words were as good as a declaration and they rocked Matt to his core.

  “Matt?” she whispered and his gut twisted.

  He hauled out the only gun he had left. The big, cold, hurtful one. With as much indifference as he could muster, he said, “We had a deal, Tara. We slept together with no strings, no commitments. It was your idea. You wanted it to be me because I was leaving.” He held her gaze. “Maybe I felt the same.”

  Tara’s beautiful eyes narrowed. But, when she spoke, it wasn’t what he’d expected to hear.

  “Damn, you’re stubborn. Well, go ahead. Protect me all you want while you slowly kill yourself. If you ever come to your senses—which seems highly unlikely—and if you ever want to see me again, you’re going to have to work for it.”

  And then she turned on her heel, wrenched the door open and left without looking back.

  Matt hesitated for only a second before he started after her. He wasn’t going to let her drive off like this. Shit. If she had an accident or something because he’d upset her…

  She was already at her car by the time he made the porch. He headed across the lawn and vaulted the fence as she peeled away from the curb, leaving him standing like the fool that he was at the curb.

  He walked back in, scooped up the phone.

  Nicky answered on the second ring. “Where’s Tara staying?” Matt asked without saying hello.

  “I don’t know.”

  Great. “Could I have her cell number?” Nicky didn’t answer immediately. “I’m worried about her, Nick. She just left here. I want to talk to her.”

  “I’ll talk to her.”

  “Nick…please.”

  “Sorry. I’ll call you if there’s anything you need to know.”

  The kid hung up, leaving Matt staring at the receiver.

  What now? What freaking now?

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  THIRTY-SIX VERY long hours later, Matt pulled up to Tara’s house to find the gravel parking area surprisingly empty of vehicles. Even Tara’s truck was gone. She had gotten back to Night S
ky safely according to a decidedly cool Luke. However, he hadn’t been able to get away from Reno himself until after the FFD exam.

  Where was everyone? He glanced at the dashboard clock.

  The luncheon. That dress thing. Matt turned his truck around and headed for town. The convention center was packed. He edged in the back door and watched as a teenaged girl strutted down the catwalk in an odd yellow flouncy dress. It looked like something his great-grandmother would have worn. It was followed by a missile-fronted frock straight out of a 1960s James Bond movie.

  Matt searched the crowd until he found Tara. She was seated close to the stage, her hair tumbling down her back like an ebony waterfall.

  Matt kept his eyes on her as though she would vanish if he looked away. She did anyway. She got to her feet along with several other women and disappeared behind the curtains as the last teenage girl paraded down the runway. A few seconds later the emcee explained why. The queens were coming. There was a swell of dramatic music. An elderly woman stepped out onto the stage, accepted a beribboned rose and then tottered the length of the catwalk while a grainy black-and-white photo of her wearing a tiara and gown, probably fifty years ago, was projected behind her. The crowd applauded. The woman beamed. A young man met her at the steps, offered his arm and helped her down the stairs before escorting her to her seat.

  The slide changed, another woman appeared, a little younger than the first. Matt started edging through the crowd.

  WHEN TARA’S TURN CAME, she couldn’t help herself. She craned her neck to see if Principal Gates was waiting at the end of the catwalk. Nope…just some really skinny kid in a suit jacket and boutonniere. Dottie caught her eye and gave her a thumbs-up. Tara smiled back, even though she didn’t feel like it. She felt like crawling into her bedroom and spending about a week licking her wounds. But she was made of tougher stuff than that. She hoped.

  She’d taken a huge risk, faced her worst fear. She hurt. A lot. It was going to take some time to recover, but she knew that given the opportunity, she’d take the risk again. She would have regretted it forever if she hadn’t at least tried to get that stubborn man back.

  Back. What was she thinking? She’d never really had him. The part of him that cared for her wasn’t as strong as the part that was focused on proving himself. And there was nothing she could do about it. Just thinking about it filled her with frustration. And pain.

  The theme from her prom came up and Tara forced her mouth into a smile so as not to ruin Dottie’s big finale. She only hoped she didn’t look like she was grimacing. The mini floodlights shining up from the edge of the plywood platform made it difficult to see the crowd as she walked, but she could hear the applause grow. She wondered what photo was being projected behind her and then decided it didn’t matter. Mug shots, handcuffs—all part of the Sullivan legacy. But it didn’t have to be her legacy. She had figured that out long ago. Too bad Matt couldn’t do the same.

  She made it to the end of the runway and reached out for the extended hand, startled when a large, warm, masculine hand closed firmly around hers instead of the clammy teenaged one she’d been expecting.

  Her lips parted as, bewildered, she stepped past the glare of the floodlights and saw it was Matt’s. And then she clamped her mouth shut. What? and How? were two reasonable thoughts that popped into her head, followed by It’s not going to be that easy, buster.

  Matt gave her fingers a gentle tug, and she allowed herself to be led down the short aisle so as not to cause a scene. There was a murmur in the crowd. She expected no less in Night Sky. Something new to talk about.

  She wasn’t surprised when, instead of turning toward the seats, Matt pushed the door open and escorted her outside. She wondered if he was surprised that she went quietly. Somewhere along the way she’d lost the rose he’d handed her.

  When the door shut, closing them off from the view of the gawking crowd, Tara pulled her hand out of his and took a step backward, putting herself out of reach.

  And then she just looked at him—every delicious inch.

  He was back. He’d knocked her for a loop two days ago, had all but broken her heart and now he was back…and she was ridiculously glad to see him. It ticked her off royally. She gave him a cool look.

  “Well, I guess I should thank you for rescuing me from my second prom experience.”

  “Was it any better than the first?”

  “Marginally.” She glanced down at the shiny blue sheath she wore. “The dress isn’t as spectacular, but the ambiance is much improved.”

  “I owe you an apology.”

  Her chin angled up. “And you drove four and a half hours to deliver it?”

  His reply was much better than hers had been.

  “I’d have driven a hundred. More if I had to.”

  Tara’s heart stuttered, but she caught herself. “Well said, Matt.”

  “You’re a difficult woman, Tara.”

  Her lips curved ironically. “And look what it’s gotten me.” She spread her hands, indicating a whole lot of nothing. “Besides, you’re not much easier to deal with yourself.”

  “That is what I am here to talk about,” he said in a low voice. Tara heard the door creak open behind her and Matt verified her suspicion that they were being spied on by gesturing toward the street with his head. “Shall we walk, or do you want to go back to your prom?”

  “I’d rather walk.”

  They fell in step, walking slowly because of Tara’s heels, which clicked a gentle rhythm on the asphalt. She told herself she was going to keep her distance, at least until she’d heard him out, but her nerves were humming. He was here. That had to be good.

  Didn’t it?

  She still wanted him. That had to be good.

  Regardless of what he thought, she wasn’t difficult. She was too damned easy.

  “You know, Tara,” he said, “I thought I was a brave man until you came to see me Sunday night.”

  She cast him a sidelong glance, but he focused straight ahead.

  “I have some problems in my life, but I’m facing them. Bravely, I thought…and shoving everything else of importance off to the side in the process.” He shook his head, but still did not look at her. “I began to wonder how brave that was. It didn’t take all that long to figure it out. He pushed aside a long weeping willow branch as they passed under the tree.

  “I realized after you’d left—okay, one sleepless night after you left—that perhaps the bravest thing I could do would be to follow your advice and let go of the need to rewrite my father’s legacy.” He fell silent as they continued to walk. Tara allowed herself to move a little closer. “To accept that I will be living with suspicion and I can’t do anything about it…. To accept that life is a gift and I shouldn’t waste mine on a personal crusade that has no end.” He looked over at her. “Especially when there are other things in life more fulfilling.”

  She kept walking. She didn’t even stumble.

  “I was a good cop before all of this happened with my dad. I can be a good cop again. I went to the lieutenant and I laid everything out for him. I actually talked to him, instead of being angry and defensive. I was honest. I think I might have gotten his attention.”

  “What’d he say?”

  “Nothing, really. But I think he listened.”

  “What happened with the FFD?”

  “That’s confidential, but between you and me, I passed. Nothing official yet, but the shrink gave me the nod. I think he thought I was amazingly normal.”

  “You faked it?”

  He smiled. “Like a champ.”

  He turned and settled his hands lightly on her shoulders, and she was having a difficult time with her resolution to keep her distance.

  “I tried to find you after you left my house. I wanted to make things better.”

  “Nicky told me.”

  “But I’m glad I didn’t know where you were. It forced me to figure out what I wanted, and what I was willing to give up. It became pretty
obvious that the thing I was not willing to give up was you. I want a life with you and I’m willing to adjust the other aspects of my life to do that. And so now—” he swallowed “—it’s just a matter of seeing how you feel. Especially after the way we parted last time.”

  He waited and then, a few seconds later, said gruffly, “I wouldn’t mind it if you said something here.”

  She smiled.

  “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”

  Tara took a step closer, so that her body was almost, but not quite, touching his. “If things are easy, Matt, you don’t appreciate them, and, trust me, because of that, I appreciate everything in my life…including you. Especially you.”

  Tara slid her hands around his waist and leaned into him, her head in the crook of his shoulder. She so loved this man. Alone, they were decent fighters. Together…they could handle anything.

  “No more protecting me for my own good,” she murmured against his chest.

  “No more,” he agreed. “And you’ll be patient with me while I deal with this thing with my dad. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to let go…cold turkey, you know. It’ll take some time. I might backslide.”

  “I’ll be right by your side, beating you up until you stop.”

  He held her for a moment and then he tipped her chin up to kiss her. First sweetly. Then hungrily.

  On the third kiss, they almost drowned.

  Fortunately, the obese cat came lumbering across the street to throw himself against Matt’s legs, bringing them both back to the surface before either of them lost consciousness.

  Tara glanced around. Nothing like losing control in public, and it was indeed public. People were now spilling out of the convention center and heading for their cars, walking across the street, most of them craning their necks to see what was going on with Tara and her carpenter cop. Eddie Johnson was propped against the side of the convention center. He raised his longneck beer in their direction in a silent toast.

  “I…uh…will need to get back to my place now. My guests.”

  “I know.” Matt leaned down to scratch the cat’s ears. The animal threw himself against Matt again.